Cinderella Gown

 

“This is my Cinderella gown, do you think my Prince Charming will like it?”

All the Blank Spaces

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Well,  I learned something… I can’t color. 

I, a 22-year-old-adult-woman,  cannot color. 

I tried. I really did.  I had one of those gorgeous adult coloring books opened up in front of me. Each page filled with beautiful arrangements of various flowers and leaves. That’s it. Nothing too scary. Just really pretty, and fairly simple, scenes of flowers. 

There was only one problem- there was no color. 

And, before you start thinking it, yes, I fully understand the point of a coloring book. I completely grasp the concept that each page is starchly black-and-white for the sole purpose that the possessor is supposed to add the color. Any color. All. The. Color. 

THAT’S THE ISSUE! 

I Hope You Dance

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"And we're dancing in the minefields....
                       We're sailing in the storms.....
                                        And this is harder than we dreamed; but I believe.
                                                               
                                                   That's what the promise is for."          

-Andrew Peterson, Dancing in the Minefields

No Perfect Corners

Sometimes, life sucks...

Lord, While I'm Single...

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Come

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Sometimes life just seems to hit you like crazy storm, doesn't it? Like, all of a sudden you're being slammed by pounding hail and torrential downpour. You can do nothing but stand there, in the very center of it, and feel the full force of the torrent. Those moments are hard, I know. But sometimes, in the very middle of the rage of that storm, something really beautiful happens.

Make Him Jump

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Standards. We all have them. You know, those required stipulations that we have set in place for our future man (or woman) to meet. Sometimes it's a physical list of items waiting to be checked off, most often it's just mental; but we've all got one. Personality traits like patience, a love for animals, and a forgiving spirit are often top-priority. Sometimes even physical attributes like a muscular build and dashing smile make the cut.

I'm no exception to this generalization; I have my own set of standards and requirements. (I've shared some with you before in this post.) I have a mixture of both a physical and mental list of what I'm looking for in a guy. It almost goes without saying that the spiritual traits are MOST important to me, but I do (like a typical sappy girl always does) have a certain preference when it comes down to some of those physical traits.

Standards are a good thing. A valuable thing!

I'd say every girl has a mixture of both fluid and immovable standards. Fluid standards being the ones that come down to more just preference- the ones that might change or vary as time goes on; for example, dark hair vs. lighter hair. Oftentimes the physical qualities we prefer fit into this fluid category. A girl may prefer one thing or another, but that doesn't become a make-it or -break-it thing. She's not gonna turn down a godly man's proposal because he has the wrong eye color- at least I hope not! I might rather that my man sing Josh Turner songs to me, but if he's more of a Brad Paisley guy, that's cool too! Fluid standards.

Immovable standards are ones that we just can't budge on. My guy HAS to be a true, ever transforming, believer of Jesus Christ. I will not settle for less. Another immovable, unbudgeable one for me is the idea of children.  My guy HAS to value life, especially that of the unborn and he MUST be willing to allow the Lord to determine the size of our family. I'm not going to enter a relationship with a man that doesn't view children the way God does- as precious and valuable.

I've had the opportunity to share some of my standards with a few of my peers. Of course, I've heard strong words of encouragement from those closest to me, but I've also felt the weight of quite a bit of negative feedback. The idea of setting and maintaining high standards in today's society and culture is almost unheard of. I dare say that because high standards for our relationships isn't an easy thing, it's also not the popular thing. People don't want to put in the effort. I don't say that to offend anyone, I'm just speaking truth. Girls and guys alike will chop down their list of immovable standards until they all become fluid ones; ones that depend on the person they "like" and the feeling of the moment. It's sad really. We settle for so much less than God wants for us and then we wonder how in the world we got to the circumstance we're at.

Why Bother?
If standards are hard, why set them?

It's a question I've thought about often enough, surely. I'm the kind of person that needs to know the "why?". I think I've basically summed the answer up in 3 parts.

1. Set Standards are a Solid Home Base for the Individual (Guys and Girls both) to Start From and Come Back to.

It seems to reason that if we have a fixed idea of what we're looking for, then we're not going to stray too far from that starting point when we're en route. It's sort of like buying a car, but not. I get it. Your future spouse isn't a car and we're not going to be doing any test drives; but think about it for a sec. If you're interested in buying a compact car that gets good gas mileage, then you're not going to be looking anywhere near the lot of 18-wheelers! That may seem crazy, but it's just that simple. If you, as a single individual, have "MUST BE SAVED BY THE BLOOD" as your top priority, then that automatically chops a few venues off the list of possibilities. Having that list, especially a physically written down form, is a great way to check yourself on what you're looking at. You can always go back to it and refocus.

2. Set Standards are Biblical.

I know, I know! You can search the entire Bible, cover-to-cover, and never find anything about set standards or God's desire for them. Hear me out though. The Bible carries a theme through its entirety- firstly about God's desire and design for marriage (ie- one man, one woman; leave and cleave; be fruitful and multiply), and secondly about choosing the right person (ie- equally yoked; order of authority; no divorce). As you search deeper through Scripture, you can also find some pretty detailed standards within its chapters. Proverbs 31 is often a chapter that young men go to for guidance as to what to look for in a wife; similarly 1 Timothy can be a good book for young women to set standards out of for their future husband. There is never a situation in life that God's living and active Word can't relate to. He's just awesome like that!

3. Set Standards because You're Worth It!

I'm gonna slightly veer from speaking to a general audience and shift more towards specifically a young woman conversation. I'm not saying that this section doesn't apply to the gentlemen of our group too, it's just that the topic of one's worth doesn't seem to be such a sensitive subject to the guys. Please, keep bearing with me! Just forgive me if I get a little gender specific here, men. :)

Ladies, don't let anyone ever attempt to convince you that you are not valuable. Even if it seems like every man in your life mistreats you and considers you worthless, remember this one thing:

Jesus, the ONLY man who really matters, gave up His own life on the cross to restore you to Him because He thought YOU were worth it. Even if you were the only messed up person in the entire history of persons, He still would've saved you- because He loves you and values the relationship with you.

That very same God didn't stop valuing you when He rose again. No. If you are truly His child, then He considers you even more precious. He even goes so far as to say:

"An excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous] who is he who can find her? Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls." {Proverbs 31:10 AMP}

Your worth is "far above rubies". So you know what? Don't make it easy on that future man. Your Lord thinks that you are valuable. Your Lord, the One Who is always wooing and drawing you closer to Him, thinks you're valuable. That's big! Set high standards for that future man because you know that you don't need to find your worth in him. You already know you're worth- it's found in Jesus, and you don't need to be "the easy catch". Make that guy work for it. Make your future man get closer to God just to find you sheltered against God's chest. 

Set your bar so high that your future husband has to jump just to reach it. Make him jump, ladies. Make him jump! 

"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."
-Lucado

No Vacancy!

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Well, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and you know what that means: cheesy pick-up lines, nasty flavored candy hearts, wilted grocery store flowers, and reminders everywhere that you haven’t yet met that special person. The most romantic day of the year can also be one of the loneliest.  We live in a world where the word “love” is just a nonchalant term, during a time period where to have a “love” is simply status quo.  As single young men and women, culture is constantly telling us to open our hearts and love will find its way in.  This Valentine’s Day, I’m telling you that not only should we NOT open our hearts, but we should also be guarding them tightly.  

I was shopping at a local thrift store the other week and came across a grey, crew neck shirt.  It was a lady’s cut, which, as long as it wasn’t too tight, would suit my figure well. Over the front was a bright pink heart. I really wanted to like it, overall the whole thing was pretty; but I couldn’t. As a matter of fact, I was disgusted by it. Why would I be disgusted by a modestly-cut, well-priced, causal top, you ask? The shirt had an open sign inside the heart, that’s why.

Now, before you knock me for being against open signs, hear me out. What do you think of when you see such a sign? I envision unlocked doors. I see a place where people can enter and leave as they please.  From the viewpoint of one who is behind the counter most times, I see people who always want something from you and, more often than not, exit without even giving a tip. I watch as every person that enters leaves behind their muddy footprints or grubby fingerprints. With that being said, is that something that we should model our hearts after? Probably not.

The sad part of it is that that’s the example this culture wants our hearts to follow. It keeps telling us to ‘open our hearts, give love a try’. So many people listen to this and end up getting hurt- spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. Every person that you let walk around in your heart will leave behind their own muddy footprints. Believe me, it’s a whole lot easier to mop mud and muck off of the shop floor than it is to remove it from your heart.

So what’s the solution? How, especially during this the most tempting time of the year, can we protect ourselves from such a mess? The Bible tells us to:

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” [Proverbs 4:27]

Guard is an active word. There is nothing passive or lazy about standing vigilant watch over something. I can’t just hilly-nilly close the door to my heart and hope that it stays shut. I need to constantly be barricading it.  How do we do that? For starters, fill your life with God’s Word and go often to Him in prayer.  Then, how about taking down that open sign?! In all seriousness, maybe our heart should instead sport a nice, neon, “No Vacancy.” If I’m not advertising that there’s room for rent in my heart, then those that would try to take advantage of me relationship-wise are already filtered out.  The one that finds delight in the Lord, that fills their heart with Him and His Word, reeks to the world around them of contentment and joy.  For those who would seek to use you, those qualities are an automatic turn-off; for the godly person, they generate automatic interest.

Now, I’m not telling you to become a hermit and never socialize with people of the opposite gender. By no means do I think that’s a good idea! What I am saying is that if you keep your heart locked from the romantic emotions game, then that makes it all the more special when you do unlock the door for that one specific person. I think my man will like to enter my heart and not find anyone else’s mess already there. I know I will for his!

So, you can decide for yourself this Valentine’s Day which sign to hang over the door of your heart. As for me, this girl’s got “No Vacancy.” I will, however, be leaning against the door waiting for that one special knock…

Buffering-- Please Wait

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Buffering. Don’t you just hate that? I mean, I know my phone and computer are both really old compared to this fancy shmancy stuff now, but if I want to watch a video, I don’t want to have to wait for it to buffer! It drives me crazy! (Yes, this goes back to the whole patience issue I have.) I decided to look up the definition of buffering in an attempt to figure out exactly what it was. It was quite a task, mind you, being as how the traditional dictionary didn’t have the tech-y version I was (apparently) looking for. Go figure. Anywho, I discovered that “buffering refers to downloading a certain amount of data before starting to play the music or movie. Having an advance supply of audio samples or video frames in memory at all times prevents disruption if there are momentary delays in transmission while the material is being played.” ^[1]  

Now, I’m no tech genius by ANY stretch of the imagination. Most of this is over my head already. Just the fact that I found the pcmag website thrilled me, to be honest. Keep up with me here though.  To butcher that definition a bit, it seems to me that before we can ‘play’ any type of audio/visual wonder the device must first download portions of it. Apparently it does this to make the playing back of that item go smoother. It also helps to continue the playback if your signal is disturbed for any reason. So you download it, to use it, in case something happens, that interrupts your using it. Got it? Oh, by the way some devices do this faster than others apparently. :/

To quote a statement that I made the other day, “My life is like a loading screen…It’s still buffering.” Now this proclamation made my mom laugh, and I even ended up posting it as a humorous status update, but think about it for just a moment. You’re reading this, my blog, most likely because you’re waiting for something or someone like I am. You, too, have a loading screen-like life; if you will. Sometimes I picture my life like one of my brother’s video games. He tells me that there is a great game coming, but that screen is still flashing “Loading-Please Wait.”

Still with me? Good. Now’s where my crazy thought process comes in. My life and yours is in this buffering phase. We’re buffering! We are waiting for The Lord to play that amazing music video (or action GIF, if you’d rather) that will make up the next part of our lives, but before we get to witness His awesome image quality, we need to go through a little buffering of our own…

We Gotta Download God’s Data

Just listen to my jargon, won’t ya?! Seriously though, before we can begin to see the big picture of what God wants for and from us, we first have to connect with Him. We need to DAILY be in His Scriptures- absorbing His literal Word.  We need to have constant, fluid, communication with Him. We gotta pray! Not only do we need to present our requests and lay our situations before Him, but we also have to confess our shortcomings (sins), uplift the needs of others, thank Him for the blessings, and just praise Him for Who He is and what He’s done. We need to be like dry sponges thrown into the vat of Living Water; soaking up everything that is of Him- His Words, His character, His commands, His passions, His message.

Let’s Sum It Up

I’ve noticed that God seems to work in one of two ways. He’ll either throw you into the midst of something and you just need to trust Him while doggy-paddling or He’ll make you wait and wait AND WAIT until He reveals pieces of His plan to you. The latter is the phase that I’m in right now. I’m just focusing on Him, filling my soul with His Word. I’m basically “downloading” God into my life.  

Once we are focused only on Him, He will ‘push play’ on our life. (so to speak…) This may be a short period of time or it may seem to take forever; just remember that we serve a sovereign God. Eventually though, all the time that we put in actively waiting WILL come to fruition. We WILL get to see Him at work in our life. He WILL prepare our path. He promises all that to those who are faithful.  [Deuteronomy 31:8]  [Jerimiah 29:11] [Ecclesiastes 3:11] [Matthew 24:12-13]

I’ll leave you one more thought as I close. The definition of buffering told us that it downloaded the data in case anything was to disrupt the stream. Well… What if God is putting you and I through this watching and waiting period so that in the future, if we were to ever get side-tracked or forgetful, we could recall this time of focusing- this time of downloading- to keep us going and get back on track? 

I'm Lookin' For A List-Fitter...

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Breaking News- Stop the presses! Hold the phones! Console your trembling puppies! I want a man.

BUT not just any man. 

I've always been told that I have very high standards when it comes to what I want in a future husband. Maybe you have too; and even if no one has specifically said it, you probably can relate. That's a good thing. The man that one day you will promise to "love, honor, and cherish till death do you part" is not someone to consider lightly- not something to just settle on. However, it's one thing to say you have high standards, and another thing entirely to actually mean it. 

Ladies, it's time we get specific!

I'm going to share with you a small piece of my own personal journal to help illustrate what I mean, this will literally be a direct quote from my own prayer and searching. 

So, here goes... something? 

• I want a man who loves me fully, but always loves our Lord more.
• I want a man who doesn't just read his Bible, but also hides it in his heart.
• I want a man who not only stores up Scripture, but also is able to wield it in the face of temptation and attack.
• I want a man who not only will worship with hands raised during a powerful song, but also with have a spirit of worship in the quiet day-to-day life.
• I want a man who will sing "Blessed Be You Name" during the times "that are plentiful", but also will honestly cry "I will praise You in this storm" during the hard ones.
• I want a man who isn't just seen praying out loud in public, but also is on his knees in unrecognized quiet.
• I want a man who not only prays for me, but also prays over me.
• I want a man who not only opens my mind to his ideas and thoughts, but also opens his to mine.
• I want a man who will be tender and loving to our children, but also will refuse to "spare the rod."
• I want a man who is tough, level-headed, and a protector, but also is able to be sensitive to my fears and emotions.
• I want a man who doesn't just open doors for me, but also guides me away as they close.
• I want a man who loves and respects his mother, but also is able to "leave and cleave" to me alone.
• I want a man who not only allows me to hold his hand, but also wants to hold mine.

Now this, by no means, is a completed list. It's merely the first 2 pages. I encourage you, fellow young women, to create a list of your own. You can tell from my list that it has a good mix of both spiritual attributes and physical qualities; and that's how it should be, I believe. Go for it. Take your time. PRAY OVER IT. PRAY AS YOU WRITE IT. 

The same goes for you, young men. Make a list for what you would want in a wife. Not only will it challenge you now, it will also be a reference point for the future when you're seeking out that potential woman.

One More Thing:

Whether you're a lady or a gent, I urge you to make your list based on God's Word. Anything without God will fail. Search Scripture for what qualities a godly husband or wife should possess and write those down. Remember, as you get specific with your standards for your future spouse, God is already preparing a person who not only meets those, but who is also looking for someone who meets theirs. Align yourself with God and He'll make you someone's list-fitter. :) 

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

[Matthew 6:33 NIV]

What would you add to my list? Guys, what are some things that you'd put on yours?p

"Watching and [ACTIVE] waiting, looking above..."

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“Perfect submission, all is at rest,

I in my Savior am happy and blest,

Watching and waiting, looking above,

Filled with His goodness, lost in His Love!”

Frances J. Crosby, Blessed Assurance

Have you ever been told the phrase “A watch-pot never boils!” ? My mom used to say it to me all the time; especially when company was coming over! I used to sit by the window eagerly hoping that every passing car would be our visitors. To be honest though, I never really understood that expression until I starting cooking.

When it was nearing time for supper, mom would call me out to the kitchen and she would talk me through one of the night’s dishes while she prepared the rest of the meal. It was during those moments, while I was literally waiting for water to boil, that I would hang on her every word. She would tell me what to add next to her infamous gravy, or what a proper substitution for shortening would be when greasing a pan. As I got older, I was given more responsibilities in making the meal. Now I am fully capable of preparing the entire dinner on my own. I must say, when you have 3 pots cooking away on the stove, a dish or 2 in the oven, and possibly an item or so more on separate cutting boards across the counters, there isn’t much time to watch and wait for something to boil. I have to constantly be moving forward with the meal plan, knowing eventually that stubborn pot will bubble and hoping that it’s just in time to pull the whole meal together.

You know, last time we talked about surrendering to God and resting in His perfect plan. There isn’t too much that is more terrifying and yet completely satisfying as when we raise our hands to God and say “it’s in Your hands now, I give up!” These are the moments when, like a little girl watching her momma cook, we stand by our God and hang on His every Word. We cling to every morsel He says and, in that moment, we watch and wait for our own proverbial water to boil.

There certainly are those instances in our lives where we just have to “Be still and know (recognize, understand) that I am God.” [Psalm 46:10 AMP] Yet I believe that there are moments, forks-in-the-road, where we have to be more like the girl with 15 things going on at once. Sometimes the Lord doesn’t want us to just wait-it-out. Instead, He asks us to tend to the dishes in the oven, or the ingredients on the counter AS WE WAIT for that one pot to boil. This is what I mean when I say “Active Waiting”.

Let’s Pause For A Moment

Ruth is one of my favorite Bible accounts. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s a biblical love story, or that it’s only 4 chapters long, either way, I really like it! (Read it here.) Anyway, Ruth is also a great example of active waiting. For those that aren’t as familiar with her book, I’ll summarize. Ruth was not an Israelite. She was a gentile from an entire other city, but she married one of God’s Chosen People after his family moved to her home town. It wasn’t long until her husband, father-in-law, AND brother-in-law all died and she was left with a grieving sister-in-law and mother-in-law (not to mention herself!). Her beloved mother-in-law, Naomi, decided that with nothing left, it was time to go home. Ruth’s sister-in-law easily moved on, but Ruth didn’t. Even though that, at this point, Ruth didn’t know the God of Naomi, she was still stuck in this water-boil waiting game. She could’ve easily threw her hands out screaming “HOLD ON!” and just froze until she had everything figured out. I think we’d all relish doing that once in a while. However, Ruth didn’t freeze. She didn’t even pause. She just pressed forward, blindly following Naomi, placing her hope in a foreign, unfamiliar God that everything would unfold for her, and Naomi’s, best interests. Ruth was an active waiter.

Apply It

Sometimes God asks us to play a game of follow the leader. Remember those? One friend was the “leader” and everyone else followed behind exactly copying that leader’s every move. I played this often as a child. I don’t, however, remember ever quitting the game just because I didn’t know what was coming next. That was the whole point! We just followed the leader. God is our leader (at least He SHOULD be!) and He, well, leads. We are the followers and our job is to follow. That’s it! We just follow. Sometimes we’ll know what’s coming next, more often than not we won’t have a clue, but that doesn’t change our role as a follower. We still have to walk behind Him copying His every move. We need to be active in our waiting. Jumping back to that verse from the hymn in the very beginning, “Watching and waiting, looking above, Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.” That basically sums it all up. Just the verbs alone tell us to ‘watch’, ‘wait’, ‘look’, get ‘filled’, get ‘lost’, OH and get moving!

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
 –Martin Luther King Jr.