Falling. She was falling.
She could feel her body plummeting helplessly as her weight pulled her mercilessly toward whatever surface may rest below her. If, indeed, there was any surface down there at all. Perhaps her fate would be sealed in an eternal plunge downward.
Oh how she hoped not! Her arms flailed about her as she grasped for something, anything, with which to catch herself. Her fingers groped through the worthless air searching for a hold. Her feet kicked at nothing hoping to meet some surface to support themselves on.
With each flail about, each grasp at emptiness, her heart sank with desperation. Her mind relived the critical seconds before her fall- the very seconds that sent her spiraling downward. She recalled the treacherous climb thus far; a sheer mountain cliff with walls so steep they almost appeared to be going completely vertical.
Her climb began with what seemed like an eternity ago, when her Father lifted her up and placed her on that mountain cliff. He stood behind her and made sure that she had good places for her hands and feet to grip. With His arms outstretched, He watched as she ever-so-slowly began to move one hand, letting go of that first grip and reaching for another. Once the first hand was secured again, she lifted her opposite foot and found a new rest for it. Eventually all of her limbs had moved from their original holds and were now secured in new ones. With a triumphant smile, she turned her head around and beamed at her Father. "Look Daddy! Look how far I've gone already!"
Her Father smiled back, His arms never leaving their outstretched position, "Yes, Baby! You're doing so well! Daddy is right here if you need Me. I won't leave you to do this alone."
She had loved climbing in that moment. In those times when her Father was close, it had felt like nothing could ever happen to her. She felt safe and encouraged.
Lately, however, her Father had felt distant. She couldn't see Him. She could barely make out His voice. He had encouraged her to keep climbing, to go farther and farther away from the comfort of her direct view of Him. Eventually, she could no longer even make out His form. It was in that moment that she began to feel very anxious about the whole thing. She had tried to recall the words her Father had told her. She had attempted to recollect even just pieces of His wisdom and advice. Nothing came.
Instead her heart began to match the looming darkness of the above skyline. She had watched with fear as the bright summer sun had been overshadowed by the dark clouds of an impending storm. She clung helplessly to the side of that cliff as the rain pelted her back and the wind questioned her grip. It was almost as if that storm had been mocking her- laughing at her for each flaw in her posture, grip, and purpose. Was she doing the right thing? Why had she come this far? Wouldn't it have been safer to stay closer to the ground? What did her Father actually say?
These questions began to grow louder and louder in her head. The rain was stinging her shoulders and slamming into her temples. The wind had picked up severely and she could feel her grip pulling loose. Sweat beads had begun to form on her forehead despite the chill in the air. She couldn't let go now! She was way too far up for all of that!
However with every howl of that wind, every slamming drop of rain, every mocking question that flashed through her mind, her resolve weakened and her doubt grew. She felt utterly helpless and completely alone. She strained her ears to hear her Father's voice above the overpowering noise of the storm. Nothing. Did He not care that she was enduing this storm alone? Did He leave and forget she was up here? Why would her loving Father put her through this?
"He left you alone. You can't do this."
That was it. With that one gust of mocking wind she lost her secure footing. Her grip loosened and she went flying backward. She began falling, flailing, groping, and grasping at nothing with that statement rolling through her mind.
...And here she was. Waiting, wondering when, if ever, this falling would cease and she would meet her demise against the hard ground she began on. Almost as if physics could read her thoughts, her body suddenly slammed to a halt. All the adrenaline from falling immediately vanished, taking with it her ability to breathe. Her chest quickly raised and lowered searching for air to fill her lungs again. She audibly inhaled deeply once her breath returned and she fell back against the surface below her to recover from the ordeal. As she lay there, she assessed her physical person. Nothing felt broken. In the dimness of the available lighting she eyed her body up and down. No blood. No large gashes. She could feel the formation of some nasty bruises, and knew for a fact that quite a few abrasions were present, but she could move and she was alive. She would feel this later, for sure though!
She slowly sat herself upright and rested her forearms on her knees. The storm was still raging around her. She was soaked to the bone, battered, beaten, and completely alone.
"He left you alone. You can't do this."
Those few words swirled around and around in her mind. Tears mixed with raindrops and ran down her cheeks unchecked.
She lifted her face to the sky and screamed "How could You?! How could You just let me fall like that? You were supposed to be here for me! You weren't supposed to leave me! How could You?!"
Sobs overtook her weakened form as the storm raged on around her. "You put me on this mountain! You encouraged me to climb! Then you just leave me?!"
She fell forward, flat on her face, and lay there for no other reason than pure weakness. She replayed the audio of that mocking voice in her head over and over. "He left You alone. You can't do this. He left you alone. You can't do this. He left you alone. You can't do this."
"Daddy is right here if you need Me. I won't leave you to do this alone." The words of her Father suddenly rose to her thoughts. She slowly lifted her head only to slam it right back down. The darkness that had come with the storm was gone and the sunlight was too bright for her ill-adjusted eyes.
"Daddy?" Her voice cracked in her throat. Again lifting her head, she called "Daddy? Daddy are You there?"
Then she saw Him. He was sitting right beside where she had flopped herself. His eyes looked down on her and He smiled. He reached out His hand and gently brushed the hair out of her eyes. Then His capable arms slowly lifted her upright until she sat tall beside Him.
Her eyes grew large at seeing Him once more and she threw her arms around Him. "Oh Daddy! You came back!"
His face was serious as He said to her "Baby, I never left you. I've been with you the entire time."
She pulled back from her embrace "But...but the storm! It was so terrible! I listened and listened, but I couldn't hear You! Then I fell! I fell from way up there!" She pointed.
He pulled her closer. "I was here. You couldn't hear My words because you allowed to storm to talk over me. You allowed your fears and doubts to drown out My voice"
Realization dawned on her. Not once had she ever called out to Him. Never did she truly listen for is voice or take the time to recall His instructions. She was too caught up in her storm. Tears began to fall down her cheeks once more. "Oh Daddy! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I doubted You. Sorry I listened to other voices and not Yours."
His eyes were smiling once more. "I forgave you a long time ago."
She laid her head on His lap and allowed Him to comfort her. Her body ached with the aftermath of that fall. She was still soaked with rain and covered in mud, but she was safe in the arms of her Father.
"He left you alone. You can't do it." At the recollection of that voice her head shot up.
"They were right about one thing. I can't do it. Not without You." She told her Father.
He stood pulling her up with Him and spoke, His voice clear and gentle. "I am always here for you. I won't ever leave you to do this alone. Remember that, even when you can't hear me."
He pulled her once more into the comfort of His arms. "Now let's keep climbing."
