Things aren't always as they appear.
Call me skeptical and paranoid, I don't care, but I believe this statement to be true in almost every circumstance; especially when the circumstance involves overly popular fads.
Fads such as the new Pokemon Go.
Standards. We all have them. You know, those required stipulations that we have set in place for our future man (or woman) to meet. Sometimes it's a physical list of items waiting to be checked off, most often it's just mental; but we've all got one. Personality traits like patience, a love for animals, and a forgiving spirit are often top-priority. Sometimes even physical attributes like a muscular build and dashing smile make the cut.
I'm no exception to this generalization; I have my own set of standards and requirements. (I've shared some with you before in this post.) I have a mixture of both a physical and mental list of what I'm looking for in a guy. It almost goes without saying that the spiritual traits are MOST important to me, but I do (like a typical sappy girl always does) have a certain preference when it comes down to some of those physical traits.
Standards are a good thing. A valuable thing!
I'd say every girl has a mixture of both fluid and immovable standards. Fluid standards being the ones that come down to more just preference- the ones that might change or vary as time goes on; for example, dark hair vs. lighter hair. Oftentimes the physical qualities we prefer fit into this fluid category. A girl may prefer one thing or another, but that doesn't become a make-it or -break-it thing. She's not gonna turn down a godly man's proposal because he has the wrong eye color- at least I hope not! I might rather that my man sing Josh Turner songs to me, but if he's more of a Brad Paisley guy, that's cool too! Fluid standards.
Immovable standards are ones that we just can't budge on. My guy HAS to be a true, ever transforming, believer of Jesus Christ. I will not settle for less. Another immovable, unbudgeable one for me is the idea of children. My guy HAS to value life, especially that of the unborn and he MUST be willing to allow the Lord to determine the size of our family. I'm not going to enter a relationship with a man that doesn't view children the way God does- as precious and valuable.
I've had the opportunity to share some of my standards with a few of my peers. Of course, I've heard strong words of encouragement from those closest to me, but I've also felt the weight of quite a bit of negative feedback. The idea of setting and maintaining high standards in today's society and culture is almost unheard of. I dare say that because high standards for our relationships isn't an easy thing, it's also not the popular thing. People don't want to put in the effort. I don't say that to offend anyone, I'm just speaking truth. Girls and guys alike will chop down their list of immovable standards until they all become fluid ones; ones that depend on the person they "like" and the feeling of the moment. It's sad really. We settle for so much less than God wants for us and then we wonder how in the world we got to the circumstance we're at.
Why Bother?
If standards are hard, why set them?
It's a question I've thought about often enough, surely. I'm the kind of person that needs to know the "why?". I think I've basically summed the answer up in 3 parts.
1. Set Standards are a Solid Home Base for the Individual (Guys and Girls both) to Start From and Come Back to.
It seems to reason that if we have a fixed idea of what we're looking for, then we're not going to stray too far from that starting point when we're en route. It's sort of like buying a car, but not. I get it. Your future spouse isn't a car and we're not going to be doing any test drives; but think about it for a sec. If you're interested in buying a compact car that gets good gas mileage, then you're not going to be looking anywhere near the lot of 18-wheelers! That may seem crazy, but it's just that simple. If you, as a single individual, have "MUST BE SAVED BY THE BLOOD" as your top priority, then that automatically chops a few venues off the list of possibilities. Having that list, especially a physically written down form, is a great way to check yourself on what you're looking at. You can always go back to it and refocus.
2. Set Standards are Biblical.
I know, I know! You can search the entire Bible, cover-to-cover, and never find anything about set standards or God's desire for them. Hear me out though. The Bible carries a theme through its entirety- firstly about God's desire and design for marriage (ie- one man, one woman; leave and cleave; be fruitful and multiply), and secondly about choosing the right person (ie- equally yoked; order of authority; no divorce). As you search deeper through Scripture, you can also find some pretty detailed standards within its chapters. Proverbs 31 is often a chapter that young men go to for guidance as to what to look for in a wife; similarly 1 Timothy can be a good book for young women to set standards out of for their future husband. There is never a situation in life that God's living and active Word can't relate to. He's just awesome like that!
3. Set Standards because You're Worth It!
I'm gonna slightly veer from speaking to a general audience and shift more towards specifically a young woman conversation. I'm not saying that this section doesn't apply to the gentlemen of our group too, it's just that the topic of one's worth doesn't seem to be such a sensitive subject to the guys. Please, keep bearing with me! Just forgive me if I get a little gender specific here, men. :)
Ladies, don't let anyone ever attempt to convince you that you are not valuable. Even if it seems like every man in your life mistreats you and considers you worthless, remember this one thing:
Jesus, the ONLY man who really matters, gave up His own life on the cross to restore you to Him because He thought YOU were worth it. Even if you were the only messed up person in the entire history of persons, He still would've saved you- because He loves you and values the relationship with you.
That very same God didn't stop valuing you when He rose again. No. If you are truly His child, then He considers you even more precious. He even goes so far as to say:
"An excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous] who is he who can find her? Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls." {Proverbs 31:10 AMP}
Your worth is "far above rubies". So you know what? Don't make it easy on that future man. Your Lord thinks that you are valuable. Your Lord, the One Who is always wooing and drawing you closer to Him, thinks you're valuable. That's big! Set high standards for that future man because you know that you don't need to find your worth in him. You already know you're worth- it's found in Jesus, and you don't need to be "the easy catch". Make that guy work for it. Make your future man get closer to God just to find you sheltered against God's chest.
Set your bar so high that your future husband has to jump just to reach it. Make him jump, ladies. Make him jump!
"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."
-Lucado
