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Light; Bright light; so
bright it blinded me.
I closed my eyes for
a moment, until I could finally see.
When adjusted, I
stood in shock. My mouth just hung ajar.
This place, its very
essence, gleamed like a brilliant star.
It was huge, and
looked so powerful. It just screamed of strength and might.
Not a shadow touched
a hidden place; Just pure unhindered light.
My bare feet scraped
the golden glass, the ground looked almost clear.
I couldn’t say how
long I stood there; a day, a month, a year?
A gentle nudge
retracted me from my frozen state of awe.
I shifted gaze and
mere words fail to describe all I saw.
A gate so tall I
craned my neck; its bars were strong and thick.
It gleamed of gold to
suit the place, but I had never questioned it.
It guarded something
on the other side, but I really couldn’t see.
The man who stood to
my front was, well, much taller than me.
I stood in line with
many others, to count I dared not try.
There were men and
women; some young, some old, but not a single eye was dry.
Much attention was
set on a solemn place, something off to my left.
When I turned, a sob
tore through me and I couldn’t catch my breath.
A massive chasm
threatened me. It was wide and long and deep.
No railing stood
around its edge; its sides, far more than steep.
I couldn’t tear my
eyes away, and I shook without control.
The smell of burning
flesh met me and it made my stomach roll.
With a book in hand,
an angel stood at the base of that giant gate.
As a person neared
they trembled – to learn their eternal fate.
If that book
contained the person’s name, written in precious blood,
Then through they’d
go, to the other side, tears falling like a flood.
But if that book held
no account of that person ransomed back,
Then that chasm
proved a horrid place as they begged for what they lacked.
My heart bled with
their pleas, they relayed all they’d done:
They’d gone to
church, they’d paid their tithes, never murdered anyone.
Some had performed a
healing, some had led an altar call,
But not a word made a
difference, each one had to fall.
It wasn’t just the
“bad people” that were dealt this gruesome hand.
All my life I’d
pondered this, but I could finally understand.
Only through the
blood of Jesus could you escape this awful lot;
Not through works,
not through effort, nor any man-made plot.
My thoughts were
interrupted by a very familiar voice.
I heard the angel say
“This was all your choice.”
The voice was from my
neighbor lady; so perfect, pretty and fit.
Sure. We were friends
on Facebook, but goodness! That was it!
We worked so hard to
avoid each other that we never spoke at all.
Now here we were,
both in line, waiting for our judgment call.
She stood, trembling,
at the very front; the angel shook his head.
She fell down on her
face and begged “One more chance” instead.
With heart ripped
out, I watched with guilt as she was thrown down in the dark.
Maybe if I would’ve
shared Jesus, then she would’ve hit the mark?
The line moved up and
I rubbed my eyes, that looked just like my aunt!
She had always been a
Christian woman. She won’t go down. She can’t.
But the angel shook
his head, and again I stood in shock.
She tried to run. She
pulled the gate, but those golden bars were locked.
She was thrown down
in and my heart tore, and I this time I felt faint.
She was gone forever,
to eternal pain. I’d always thought she was a saint.
One by one the line
moved up. Like molasses, it was slow.
A seldom few had made
the mark, but countless were told “No.”
I knew their faces,
I’d touched their lives, I’d had the chance to share.
But oftentimes, more
so than not, I hadn’t even cared.
My mind relived every
microsecond, where I let darkness win.
I remembered every
little moment that I caved in to sin.
Every time that I had
lived for self, every evil thought I’d entertained,
Each blessing that I
had given up, each joy traded in for pain.
Looking back, those
little things, meant way more than I’d thought.
Now I was out of time
and my secret sins were caught.
As my turn grew
closer, and I watched with pain, I conceived the very worst.
I hadn’t lived like I
should and thus by it I was cursed.
Nearer and nearer my
turn came and more and more fell.
Had my name been
called? Had someone spoken? I couldn’t even tell.
I dropped to my
knees, then flat on the ground; hands covering my face.
I had no right to
claim any portion of this grace.
I deserved that deep
pit, that separation, my whole life wreaked of shame.
I was drowning in my
own guilt when I heard them say my name.
I couldn’t move. My
strength was gone. I was just too weak.
“My Child” a voice
said, and I couldn’t even speak.
My mouth went dry and
my throat constricted as I looked up at Him.
His eyes were soft,
His touch was sweet, His face not sad nor grim.
He picked me up and
carried me. My tears ran down unchecked.
He set me down most
gently, but He wasn’t finished yet.
He stroked my cheek
and I could feel the scars that still marred His hand,
He bore them all,
every wicked mark, in this perfect, sinless land.
“My child,” He said.
“Why do you cry? Why are you troubled so?”
“Because, my Lord, I
have seen my sin. It’s so great. I really know.
My hope of heaven was
met on earth. That’s all that I have earned;
That pit, eternal
suffering, if only I had learned.”
I couldn’t speak, the
sobs too strong. I could only hang my
head.
He spoke, I didn’t
hear him and asked “What was that You said?”
“Precious child, My
child, My blood has purchased you.
Your sin was forgiven
when I died on that cross, but all of that you knew.
You’ve seen your sin
for what it really is. You finally know its weight.
You’ve seen yourself
as God saw you, in that wretched, blackened state.
But when you believed
on Me, and really changed, He saw your filth no more.
When He looked at
you, He saw Me instead, your admittance then was sure.
As you walked, as you
journeyed forth, you certainly did fall down.
You chose to sin, you
denied My name, My smile turned to frown.
You hurt My heart,
you turned from Me, you worshipped other things.
You turned your eyes
from hurting souls, and your pride could rival kings.
But My love for you
has never died, and when you came running back,
I picked you up and
cleaned you off and placed you back on track.
You had ups and
downs, good times and bad; and while, Yes, you did things wrong.
Your heart was soft,
you tried so hard, and you grew. You’ve come along.
So no more tears. No
more crying. Wipe them all away.
For through that
gate, I’ve made your home. You’ll join Me there today.”
He held me tight, and
I felt such peace. He said “You deserve it.”
Once through those gates,
He looked at me, “Well done my faithful servant.”
Elecia Hoffman 1/13/15
