No Perfect Corners

Sometimes, life sucks...
This thought crossed my mind the other night. Tears were running down my cheeks as I was spending entirely too much time folding laundry- making sure the corners were crisp and smoothing out all the wrinkles. "Sometimes life sucks", I thought. "If only we could crisp up all the corners and smooth out all the wrinkles of life."

Wouldn't that be nice?
Wouldn't it feel so good to take a few extra moments and remove all the imperfections from this journey we walk?

Those thoughts swirled through my head as I sat on my bedroom floor. I slowly took one piece of laundry, laid it before me, and lined up all the corners. I flipped the article over itself again and again until it was neat and concise- ready for the pile. Normally I can fold laundry, with precise efficiency, quite quickly. This day, however, I purposely took my time. I needed the quiet. I relished the chance to busy my hands while working through my thoughts. It had been a hard day- a very long, hard day.

More often than not, I have a very upbeat personality. This day, however, my mood was much more downcast. My heart was weary from the stress of this world. 
People seemed cruel. Life seemed unfair. God seemed, well, silent.

Don't you just hate that?! 

Don't you just hate the thought of knowing that God hasn't *actually* left you, but yet He's there in utter silence? Sometimes I just want to scream "SAY SOMETHING! Say anything! Don't just leave me here to figure this out on my own!"

It's in those moments of silence that I so often allow my mind to race. I begin to overthink every stinkin' minute detail of things. I start to worry. My mind races a bit faster. Anxiety fills my gut and, soon enough, fear has me in a full-blown choke-hold and I'm left sucking air. 

Ever had moments like that? Ever felt fear begin to suffocate you?

Still, I folded. I folded those pieces with such care; as if somehow, in some crazy way, the exact rightness that I put into those articles of clothing could be translated into the situations laying out before me. If I smoothed out the wrinkles, maybe it would smooth things out at one area of need. If I lined up these corners, maybe it could line things up perfectly in this one area of my life. If I tucked that bit in neatly, maybe it might help tuck this part up nice and neatly- too. Maybe?

Now, obviously, my mind wasn't *quite* consciously aware of contemplating all that; but I was grasping at straws here. And ya know what? That was exactly my problem. 

I was grasping at any*thing* that could offer me peace, but it wasn't satisfying my spiritual being. 

The next day I opened my Bible to do my daily quiet time. I was kinda just thumbing through the Psalms in an effort to read something light, filling, and in no way challenging. I flipped to Psalm 34, randomly mind you, and stumbled upon verse 4.

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; And [He] delivered me from all my fears." 

Suddenly I just sat there, dumbfounded, staring at the page. It was like God had suddenly broken His silence and said those words audibly to my face. 

You want delivered from fear? Seek God.

"I sought" is fundamental verbiage in this verse. To seek something is not passive. One does not *accidentally* go out in search of something. No! Seeking is intentional! It implies *active* looking. No one plays "Hide and Go Accidentally Happen to Stumble Upon Your Missing Friend". That'd be stupid! Rather children play "Hide and Go SEEK"! The one not hiding runs off to *purposefully* find the others. It's INTENTIONAL, people!

In the same way, we- as believers- are to *actively* seek out our God. Not that He's hiding, like in some child's game, but that He wants our hearts to long for Him. He wants our hearts to hunger and thirst for righteousness. He wants our hearts to "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you- O Lord." (Psalm 42:1) He wants that of our hearts. 

I realized that my soul wasn't panting- longing, desiring- after God as fully as it should have been. 

No amount of neat folding was going to remove my fears. No amount of smoothing wrinkles was going to stop my overthinking. No amount of perfect corners was going to settle my anxious heart. 

No. 

Only my God could do that. 

Y'all, sometimes life sucks. There is no doubt about it. Sometimes, no matter what you do, your whole world crumbles around you. Sometimes you have to watch bridges burn out of your control; and sometimes you have to be the one to do the burning. Sometimes hurts hurt so badly, and wounds cut too deep. Sometimes memories haunt you and sometimes the future looms oppressively over you. 

Sometimes, life sucks.

But you know what? God has got this, my friend. 

The very God that created the universe with a single word of His voice has your entire life planned and set in motion already. The very God that spins the earth on its axis and holds every star in its place is working in and through your life right this very instant. He never promised an easy journey, but He did promise to be with you through it. 

Stop folding your own laundry and start seeking Him. 
Let God be God. He's got this.