Cinderella Gown

 

“This is my Cinderella gown, do you think my Prince Charming will like it?”

There I stood, fully clad in PPE (personal protective equipment), before my precious elderly patient. Pandemic regulations are strict: protective eyewear over my prescription glasses, N95 mask, disposable gown, nitrate gloves. All day. Every day. All the time. And if I'm to encounter anything with potential "exposure" risk, then I add even more layers on top of all that.   

Honestly, it gets rough, wearing that much protective apparel. So I try to make the best of it. When my confused and concerned residents ask, daily sometimes, “what are you wearing?” or “why are you wearing that?” I always respond with “this is my Cinderella gown.” It usually makes them laugh; or, in the very least, smile.  

This day was no different. I was asked the question “why do you wear that” and I responded with “this is my Cinderella gown, do you think my Prince Charming will like it?” The responder didn’t hesitate when replying “no.”

 “No." 

 Y’all, did you get that?? According to my very blunt patient, “No” my Prince Charming would not like me in my PPE. He, apparently, won’t like the way I look in my protective work equipment.  <insert frumpy face here>

 Welp, I chuckled. It was cute and the moment stayed light. I brushed off the comment and didn’t really think much of it... until today. 

Fast forward a few weeks. Today. We’re still wearing full PPE. I’m still getting asked that question. Over and over and over again people are asking me that question. Ya know what I do? I respond the same exact way. “This is my Cinderella gown.”

Today, a different resident chose not to ask that question. Rather, she made a statement. “You’re special, Sweetie. I don’t say that often. (She doesn’t haha) ...You are beautiful and courageous inside.”

That simple comment, which she followed with “now don’t flatter yourself” to fit her typical style, struck me. It was a small comment. There was no fanfare. No lengthy compliment. Just “you’re beautiful and courageous inside.”

I left her room and took a moment to just look down at my attire. I had been working for around 10hrs at this point. My safety glasses were smudged. My gown was covered in all kinds of lovely. And my N95 has been reworn for a week now. Not to mention the terrible case of "mask-chne" that I had developed under the mask... Grr, by the way. This PPE was no “Cinderella gown” and I didn’t look like a princess. I barely looked like myself. Who I actually am was completely masked (ba dum tsssss) by all of this protection. 

“You’re beautiful and courageous inside.” 

 The words reverberated within me. My precious, crazy, often delusional, and very blunt patient saw right through my protective equipment and stated simply what she perceived was in my heart. It was so beautiful. I went directly into the bathroom and snapped a picture. I wanted to remember these times of ridiculous PPE through her perspective. 

Y’all. Maybe this is you...

Maybe you, for whatever reason, have covered your heart in protection. Maybe you have boarded your heart up with layer after layer of protective barrier to keep the real you safely inside from every prying eye and infectious touch. 

Maybe you’ve been hurt before. You might’ve had your heart wounded. So, of course, you wrap it up tightly in as much emotional PPE as you can. 

I know I have. 

My heart is so tightly encased in emotional PPE that it’s gonna take some serious skill and rescue training to extract it from its entrapment. 

And for today, that’s okay. 

Y’all, it’s okay. 

It’s okay to not be okay. And it’s okay to rest while you allow the Lord to heal you. 

It’s okay to be protective of yourself. It’s okay to cocoon inside and not allow free entry to anyone. Scripture tells us that the Lord “Heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.” He, God Himself, will bandage that heart of yours. He’ll wrap you up and will heal your emotional scars. 

As long as you allow the PPE encasing your heart to be godly protection, wisdom, discernment, and trusting the Lord to complete the work He began in you, then the PPE isn’t wrong. The Lord knows we hurt. He doesn’t ask us not to feel that. He just asks us, requires us, to trust Him in the process and let Him chisel us into the masterpiece that He is Potter enough to create. He’ll bind (bandage) us and heal us. 

That protective covering on our heart is what helps us be discerning in our choices. It’s what aids us in not rushing to follow our emotions. It’s what reminds us of where we’ve been. It’s our “Cinderella Gown”. 

That emotional PPE can also be what makes us push others away, distrust relationships, and forces others to work harder to get to know our inner core. We must be cautious with this behavior; even pain can become idolatry. 

However, I want to bring you hope. Even in a messed up, smudged up, gross PPE covering- you’re still beautiful. You’re still courageous, because you know He that is mighty and powerful. You’ve fought battles- surviving them has made you strong, because you know He that has holds the victory. The Lord is faithful. He is good. He loves you. He is sovereign.

He will heal your scars, if you’ll let Him. 

And, to the right person, that emotional protective covering on your heart will look like a true “Cinderella gown”. Someday, no matter how PPE’d up; no matter how boarded and encased in protection; no matter how different you think you look from yourself for that time, You’ll look like a princess to someone. 

I’m hoping for that for myself.