2021 Vision

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It's a new year, Y'all. Go ahead, clear those 2020 bingo cards; it's a new year, a new round. 

For a few days now I've been struggling through what all I want to say in this post, and just how I want to say those things. See, it's a brand new year; literally everyone has been posting their reflections and eloquent thoughts concerning the passing of time. I've read beautiful words relating to the "lowest of lows and highest of highs" that 2020 held. 

I just can't seem to pull myself into that line of thinking...

2020, from my perspective, certainly held "the lowest of lows". Quite honestly, the year sucked. I lost loved ones, dreams, and a whole lot of sleep. I cried myself to sleep more nights than I care to admit to. I felt the deep cut of loss when promises of "forever" were cut short and questioned my worth when I was no longer worth the trouble. I sustained many wounds during 2020 and many of them are still open and bleeding to this day. 2020 broke me.

In a quick glace back, I can't list for you much in the line of "highs"; and certainly not "the highest of highs". I can't list for you any huge earth-shattering moment or some big miracle that I witnessed. Where were the bright spots?

I remember the hope we all felt in 2019. I remember the excitement professed related to the year "2020" being one of "perfect vision" and "clarity." I even remember the jokes we made about not needing to wear glasses anymore. Could we be any more wrong?

The thing is, I can only think along the line of  "woe is me" for so long before I start feeling really guilty. How dare I look over a time ordained and allotted by The Lord with such defeat. Who am I to say that I was owed more than I was given or to insinuate that The Lord ceased to be faithful amidst that year? Like, good gravy, how prideful can I be?

Apparently I can be disgustingly prideful, indeed. Shame on me.

As I've said, I've spent days thinking about what I would say in this; and I've spent almost as much time fighting a guilty conscious for being so ungrateful. 2020 certainly wasn't the year we all hoped for, and it sure as anything didn't bring the perfect vision to us in the way we were expecting. The Lord has been convicting me, though, that He is sovereign- and He was sovereign all throughout last year. There was not even a split second of time that took place in which He was not sovereign Lord over.

What does this mean?

Well y'all, this means that 2020 did bring us clarity. If God is sovereign, which He is, then everything that took place was ordained by Him and within His omnipotent control. This means that what happened last year was exactly what He planned and allowed to happen. I know, I know, this isn't ground-breaking theology; but it is meaningful. 

To those that had a year like mine, a year of pain and tears and questioning God, none of it was outside His plan- none of it was outside His power. (Maybe some of you are questioning a loving God's motives and purpose amongst hard times, death, sickness, and loss, but the topic of sin nature, righteous judgement, sin consequences, and the death/disease that is experienced as a natural effect of the Fall and resulting dying planet is for an entirely separate discussion.) We can hold our heads high knowing that last year was well within God's power and plan; and that it held a Kingdom purpose.  

Maybe 2020 was the clarity of not depending on governing authorities for our health and safety, but rather returning that trust in The Lord as it should've been all along. Maybe it was the clarity of not taking moments for granted. Or the clarity to cherish the people around us and be truly grateful for the time we have together. Maybe it was the clarity of slowing down and not living our life at microwave speed; but rather spending time in the study of Scripture and intentionally worshipping. Maybe it was the clarity of not only helping those in need, but of noticing them as fellow human beings around us. Maybe, just maybe, it was the clarity that our identity and our worth is found in the Lord, and that no human can synthetically manufacture that for us... These were the clarifying truths that I re-learned last year. 

If all of those lessons were re-learned, if all of those truths were put back into focus, then I can safely (and humbly) proclaim that The Lord used possibly the hardest year of my life so far to prove His love and faithfulness to me. There was not a moment of 2020 in which The Lord wasn't present and in control of. Let's be real, He also used all 366 days of 2020 to knock me right off my mental high-horse and remind me of my need for humility and submission to His will. Geez I guess I needed it.

Maybe this seems like a roller coaster of unorganized thoughts. If so, I'm sorry. This year, erm, last year really threw me off my game a smidge. I've just realized the harsh reality of my own shortcomings of pride in the year previous and am overwhelmed anew at the loving faithfulness of a very good Heavenly Father. 

One of my favorite hymns is "Be Thou My Vision". The final verse goes as thus:
"High King of Heaven, my victory won.
May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all."
(Saint Dallán Forgaill)

As we take the first wary steps into the year 2021, I propose we walk in the hope of this final verse. I propose we claim the victory won for us by our Savior, Jesus Christ, and that we decide, here and now, that "whatever befall" we will lean into the One who has the True Perfect Vision and really is the "Ruler of All."

Happy New Year, All Y'all!